A phone call to Customer Service:
Dialling..."The toll free number you have dialled is not toll free when called outside the United States. If you do not wish to be charged for this call, please hang up otherwise stay on the line and your call will ring through shortly."
"Hello and welcome to our automated customer service line. Para instucciones in espanol marque uno. For instructions in English press 2"
I press 2.
"Hello and welcome to our automated customer service line you will now have several choices. Please do not press any numbers until you have heard ALL of the choices. You might get it wrong and then you would have to start over again. Please have all of your account information ready as we will speak very quickly and you won't have time to look for it. Listen closely to what we say because it WILL be a bit fuzzy but it is not our fault we recorded this ten years ago!"
For information on your credit card account press 1
For information on your checking account press 2
For information information on your savings account press 3
For information on our loan services press 4
For information on someone else's account press 5
For information on your dog please press 6
For all other services press 8
To speak to a customer service representative and be degraded because you don't know how to use this automated service please press 0.
I press 1
You have chosen number 1 if this is correct press 1 if this is incorrect press 2.
I press 1
You have chosen information on your OWN credit card account. Please enter the account number followed by the pound sign.
Account number 1234567890#
You have entered account number 1234567890 if this is correct press 1 if this is incorrect press 2
I press 1
Please enter your ten digit pen number followed by the pound sign
1234567890#
You have entered 1234567890
if this is correct press 1 if this is incorrect press 2
I press 1 (getting very annoyed by this point)
For payment services press 1
For information services press 2 (what the heck is that anyway)
For all other options press 3
To start the menus over press 4
To sit around listening to someone give you directions for an hour for no apparent reason please press 5
To return to the main menu press 8
To speak to a customer service representative and be degraded because you don't know how to use this automated service please press 0.
I press 1
You have chosen payment services. If this is correct press 1 if this is incorrect press 2
I press 1
To tell us you have made a payment press 1
To tell us you are going to make your payment late press 2 Please allow extra time for this option as you will have to be redirected to a customer service representative who will then redirect you to another, who will then keep you on hold for an hour while you listen to crappy music. In the end, we will not let you reaarrange your payment even though we sent your bill two weeks late to the wrong address.
To make an automated payment arrangement press 3 You must have a touch tone phone for this option (uhh how did I get this far without one?)
To hear the definition of the word payment press 4
To find out when your payment is due press 5
To try to figure out why your payment is due even when we don't send out a statement press 6
For all other options press 7
To return to the main menu press 8
To speak to a customer service representative and be degraded because you don't know how to use this automated service please press 0.
I press 3
You have chosen make an automated payment arrangement. If this is correct press 1 if this is incorrect press 2
I press 1
Please enter your account number (didn't I already do this?) followed by the pound sign
1234567890#
You have entered 1234567890
if this is correct press 1 if this is incorrect press 2
I press 1 again (a little harder than the last time because of my irritation)
We will now ask you the date you would like your payment to post. Please enter the number of the month first and then the number of the day. If you want your payment to post on January 1st you would type in 0101 followed by the pound sign. Remember there are twelve months in a year and not all months have the same number of days. Please keep this in mind when you are pressing numbers.
I type in 0501#
You have entered May 1st. If this is correct press 1 if this is incorrect press 2. Remember you can press 0 any time to speak to a customer service representative.
I press 1
Please press 1 to use the checking account information on file. Press to to enter new information.
I press 1
We will now ask you the amount of the payment you would like to make. Please type in all of the numbers in dollars and cents. if you want to pay 10 dollars you would type 1-0-0-0. Please enter the amount you would like to pay now.
I type 10000 (which should be $100.00 right?)
You have entered 10,000dollars if this is correct press 1 if this is incorrect press 2.
I PRESS 2!
A payment in the amount of 10,000 dollars will be taken from your checking account on May 1st. Please be sure to record this in your payment record. Thank you have a nice day!! (The whole time I am pressing 2)
To return to the main menu press 1
To speak to a customer service representative press 8
To end this call please hang up.
To cancel this automated payment speak to customer service.
I press 8
To speak to a customer service representative, Please dial 1-800-555-5555. Our business hours are 8am to 10pm Eastern monday through Friday.
Thank you! CLICK
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